Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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