i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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