Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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