No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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