When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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