We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
