my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
