He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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