I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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