I intend to get homeless drunk
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
