I feel great
I just peed on a car
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
