i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When did angry sex become our thing?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
