We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
