I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
