is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
