dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
