my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
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