Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
