i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
