i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
