Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
