I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
