I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
