there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
