Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The Olympian is in my bed
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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