alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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