I hate all girls vehemently.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize