i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
