don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
