Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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