he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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