party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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