shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
