I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
