This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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