I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
