I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
