matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
3pm strippers are depressing
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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