Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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