Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
