the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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