pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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