you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
