I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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