he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
