It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
