textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
