if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
