He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
