Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize