I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
