her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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