Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
