tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
