is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
