hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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