I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
