Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
