You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
