next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
