I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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