Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
