im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
